The world's worst disguises Nr 46

A Polish film magazine nominated Marek Kondrat for having the worst hairdresser. Almost everyone who has seen ‘With Fire And Sword” agrees. The trouble is that he does not look like a king. He looks like someone wearing a disguise and pretending to be a king.
It reminds me of those cartoons from the States that I watched when I was young. One of them was about an elephant in disguise who chased criminals. His disguise was usually just a mask over his eyes and a badly fitting jacket. He would blow his cover because he got too excited when anyone offered him peanuts. Then there are the ones when a cat puts on a moustache and everyone thinks it is a man. This usually lasts until the cat sneezes and the fake moustache falls off.
You sometimes see political figures trying to attract young people to their parties by getting involved in all sorts of youth organisations. I can’t see a problem with this, but when they try to talk in teenage slang, it’s clear that they either don’t know what they are saying or they don’t mean it. It’s like watching one of your teachers dancing at a school disco (I’m going to get letters of complaint from teachers in Wroc³aw now!).
These are some of the candidates for the award of ‘worst disguise” but there can only be one winner. Teenagers who smoke don’t look like adults. They don’t even look slightly older than they are. They look like children who are pretending to be adults. Have you ever seen those beauty contests in the USA for six or seven-year-olds? You know, the ones where a small child dresses up like a Broadway singer? That is almost what smoking-teenagers look like, except the teenagers look less convincing.
And I didn’t even mention the health risks. •

Glossary

a disguise – przebranie
to blow someone’s cover = to show that someone is in disguise, usually by accident
a moustache – wąsy
convincing – przekonujący

Did you know?
Speaking of disguises, a pair of American spies hid a microphone in an artificial tree in the Soviet Union (during the Cold War). The Russians found the microphone because the fake tree was the wrong species.
A British spying device, also in Russia, was found in an artificial rock. It was easy to spot because people kept going back to it to collect data. It also made a noise, which rocks don’t normally do.

The make-up artist, who was shot (only joking!), is just one of many people who work on a film set. I described a few in a previous article. Here are some more: What do they do?
a) They provide the food for the cast and crew.
b) They take care of people when there are accidents.
c) Only the very rich celebrities need these people. Their job is to protect them from over-enthusiastic fans.
d) These people do all the paperwork and make all the telephone calls for an actor.
e) They make things explode and burn. They are great for action films although not for costume dramas.
f) If the film needs an aeroplane or helicopter in shot, one of these people needs to come along.
g) There are several kilometres of cables on a large film set, which is why these people can be useful.
h) They are in charge of the clothes the actors wear.
KEY
1 – c, 2 – f, 3 – d, 4 – b, 5 – e, 6 – a, 7 – h, 8 – g

Apart from tobacco, what else do people burn on purpose? Put the letters from these anagrams in the right order to find out:
1. naledc
2. sinece
3. lefu
4. galf
5. strimshac dungdip
And why do they do it?
1. To give light.
2. To give off a pleasant scent.
3. To provide heat.
4. To make a political protest.
5. As a way of serving food on December 25th.

KEY
1. a candle;
2. incense;
3. fuel; 4. a flag;
5. a Christmas pudding